Does the title even make sense? Fear of the Fearless?

I just thought it might be interesting to look at it literally. Moving on, this post talks about my only fear, which might be also interesting for those who are interested to know. 🙂

I have this innate ability to recognize the monsters parading around in human guise (life lessons). Every one of us has a base fear; one or more things that curdle our stomach, fears which crawl beneath the skin like an itch they can’t scratch. Ignoring the itch won’t make it stop nor halt the fear. Why does it scare us so much, is there more reality and suffrage in view within the horrifying than anything else?

Here begins my little story for you. I fear I can’t provide a good life for my family and myself, and so I accept any challenge in every door that opens which I think is good. I try my hardest to “disguise” and live as someone brave to set forth in doing many things.

Three months ago I had this little tiny nudge: a nudge to shift, to relaunch, to step up to the plate of my life. I said yes, awaiting my next milestone. Actually, I said “okay” because saying yes to something you can’t see…well, that’s just terrifying.

And because “okay” is really just a thinly veiled “Okay, I’m having doubts, but I’ll try to tentatively trust.” Life answered in return with, “Okay, I hear your doubts, so we’ll take this slow.”

So, for the past months, I inched in. There were a few moments of “Um…” or even one or two of “Eek!” but mostly I walked a comfortable little path. I took the plunge and started anyway. Now I am riding along. I accepted new people and new means. I opened my whole heart and soul to receive them. Life rushed in.

Looking back, I see what I thought was pain, obstacles and stress. But you know what I see now? Strength training.

I can put it like weight lifting. You put resistance on your muscles to build them. When you say “Yes!” (and really mean it), life begins its job of giving you opportunities that would teach you to grow.

This can feel tiring, overwhelming, even painful at times because it’s usually going to start with the discovery and healing of all the things that are going to get in your way of what comes next. You can call it struggle, but only one perspective is going to get you through it. Only one is going to keep you standing tall: you yourself.

Side talk: As I’m living this costly lifestyle, where I take my lunch out every work day, pay my own room rent and utilities, pay my sister’s tuition, buy myself groceries, toiletries and top-up load for my EZ-Link card (transportation), I cannot afford to spend for other things for myself anymore.

I realized that in order to save more, I’d have to cook and prepare lunch in the morning and have it as a packed meal and walk to the nearest station instead of taking a bus or train where the nearest grocery is. This would save me half my budget for food and some for transportation. For these own so-called “policies,” I’d have stronger sense of self-control and self-discipline.

Eventually, I’ll be finding this fear as one that gives way to opposing emotions, courage, compassion and hope. All of what we perceive–the ugly demographic to the beautiful poetic—go hand in hand. We short sight ourselves when we refuse to acknowledge far more emotional baggage exist in one form or another in our lives.

Most people would obsess about the outline, but they can’t be bothered to color inside the lines. We obsess with our happily-ever-after and never quite appreciate the darker aspects we trespass on the journey.

Life is a multifaceted compromise made of a colorful humanity. There is no black and white drawn ideology. We can draw in, outside, over the lines if we so choose.

I end this post with a quote from Kahlil Gibran I found in the Internet galaxy:

“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.”

The trick is to find the beauty in the wreckage while still aware of the broken pieces left lying about then from there, grow stronger, open your heart to adapt and expand your capabilities.


Health and technology freak. Food and lifestyle blogger with a large appetite for food and travel.

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23 Responses

  1. Jerwel Adrian

    True enough. There will always be a way to accept and pass the fear you have. You just have to shift the angle in the glass to view more sides of it. 😀
    Good luck with the life!!

  2. Mai

    The phrase that stuck to me when I finished reading your post was finding the strength to explore the “fear of the unknown”. At one point in our adult lives, we will face these many scary ‘challenges’ in life (more responsibilities, etc.). These will question our own being, whether we’re built to do things the way they’re supposed to or not. I’ve been in this situation and still experiencing it at some point in my life. But I always make it a point to push myself. 🙂

    • Rochkirstin Santos

      I am experiencing unknown and exciting stuff at least once a week now, and I’m thankful to be given these new fears and challenges. In these cases, I find what’s positive and is worth appreciating and let my soul dance to the tune of it, so that when everyone feels that I’ll fall, I’ll have this dance continued. No one knows my moves better than I do. 😉

  3. Shirgie Scf

    I can really feel you, As a first born son of a father-less family, I have the balance my budget between myself and my sibling’s tuition fees, that is why eventhough I am not sure what kid of life is waiting here in South korea, I said YES because I know this could help me help my family. We can do this.

  4. Franc Ramon

    I think it’s good that we have fears as we try harder to overcome them and gives us purpose. I’m sure that it also made you stronger in the process.

    • Rochkirstin Santos

      Yes but this is only if the person can withstand and fight against the fear. The bad version is when the person can’t handle his fears, commit mistakes and never learn over and over again, or worse, commit suicide. x_X

    • Rochkirstin Santos

      Thanks, Kim. I haven’t at all times perfected that “optimism despite pessimism” thing and sometimes I just drag my feet to it.

      What helps me have faith back is taking time to look back over my life. The formula here might be “Courage + Trust = Change.” So I stay receptive and aware; instead of focusing on everyone else’s garden of flowers, I’m reminded to focus on my own yard. Because no matter who’s grass you see as greener, it’s a safe bet to know those people are probably peering on to someone’s yard, wishing their lives were like those people – and so on.

      • Kim Nieves (@iamkimnieves)

        True! I suddenly recalled my business mentor’s advice: “If you want to be successful, mind your own business.” Staying focused on your career and your life is what probably keeps you moving forward. I wish you all the best in life, Rochkirstin (how should I call you ba? hehe) =)

  5. Teresa Martinez

    ah yes, the secret fears of people who put up a brave front. Everybody has fears, we just manage it in different ways but eventually we will find our answers.

  6. sef tiburcio

    i am not into talking things that makes me scared. it’s embarrassing for me to tell a story like this. good post by the way!:)

  7. serene shikukeza

    I admire your bravery in this post. When you open your arms into the real life you are in now, it will somehow ease the burden you carry. You just need more motivations, self-discipline and optimism ahead of you and everything will be fine.

    • Rochkirstin Santos

      Correct, motivations, self-discipline and optimism are what drive me most. “Is anything too demanding, too wonderful or too difficult?” Of course not! This is GOD speaking. (Genesis 18: 14)

  8. Lai

    Fear, we all have it. However It is something that have made me stronger. Good luck 🙂

    • Rochkirstin Santos

      If fear is what strikes things to turn upside down in your life, let Paul’s words encourage you: “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us” (Romans 8:18). Let’s thank God for making us stronger and for His plans to prosper us and not to harm us, plans to give us hope and a future. 😀

  9. papaleng

    Hats off to what you have gained. Yes, self discipline and self motivation are 2 key factors that will gradually smash one’s FEAR to the ground. Me, I just live by the old adage “No pain No gain”.

  10. Eds

    Each of us have fears and each one of them differ from each other. It is only up to us how to face and when to face it. I myself have fear of the unknown and I know it’s not good but I myself can’t help to worry and be scared. 🙁


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