It’s already February, and I’ve lost track of time. Time makes no sense in all of this; that is, the way it passes. It’s Tuesday; I thought it was Wednesday.
This is the effect of me being jailed in the four corners of my room. But staying here is not tantamount to losing productivity. This week, I have updated my resume once again, organized the required documents, started job hunting online—and in addition—finding a new and cheaper room to stay in (because I have been notified that the room I was supposed to be renting became unavailable). Why, life is divine chaos. And I’m embracing it.
Two days ago, Mom told both my father and mother-side relatives about my planned journey and invited them to a farewell party in our house on February 12, 2011. They all wished me good luck and gave me the usual words of comfort for support, just like what everyone else did.
In return, I confirm with confidence, “Yes, I can do it!” It was only yesterday that it began to sink in—the thought that I’ll be the moving to a foreign place soon, a place I have never been even in my late-night dreams. I felt a somewhat inescapable feeling propelling me to breathe hard to soak the expectations all in.
Sometimes I close my eyes and tell myself one thing: please, hold on. This is just one of those times. I am feeling anxious, and nervous, and excited, like a volcano simmering in the very tiny capillaries of the arches of my feet and slowly, s l o w l y, rising up into the kneecaps and hip bone sockets and pelvic cavities and abdomen, and singeing the wings of the thrashing damselflies and butter wings hibernating there.
I won’t back out, of course. Each person on this planet can make a difference, we believe. But it takes a genuine soul to take the very first baby step that would make the actual difference.
I’m making this happen not for myself in whole actuality but for my family. For the record, I decided to leave because of the unsatisfactory compensation I was receiving from my most recent employer, apart from my goal to graduate from being an employee and the urgent temerity of wanting to grow more—gaining more enhanced and technical experience in the corporate world and living independently from my parents in some place away from the physical home (where everything I need is provided instantly like magic).
I’d like to prove that the synonym of the very fiber of my being is patience—in striving for what I projected should be achieved and in getting the hard-earned results by my own perseverance.
Another company has called me today for an interview. But I’m not there yet! So I asked for it be rescheduled on the day after my arrival. Three other companies have responded to my application, and I said the same thing. I probably should pause shortly and resume sending out my CV next week.
Mom bought us web cameras and a microphone for the desktop. We’ll trying them out later.