Because Valentines’ day is just around the corner…
On January 1, 2011, New Year’s day, Louie and I watched Good Will Hunting (1997), a movie about “a janitor at MIT, who has a gift for mathematics but needs help from a psychologist to find direction in his life. (imdb)”
Regular sessions were attended by both Shawn the psychologist and Will the janitor, teaching us all basic but valuable lessons in dealing with the social life. Overall, the movie can be described as uplifting, touching and bittersweet; its plot revolving around redemption, the human spirit and hopes.
There are many good quotes to remember in Good Will Hunting but the one which struck me most was in the conversation of Will and Shawn where Shawn asked “Do you have a soulmate, Will?” Will, wanting more clarity, asked him to define it. And Shawn answered,
“A soulmate is someone who challenges you, opens up things for you.”
I have encountered a bounty lot of definitions of what a soulmate is, in the past. This movie just reminded me of one acceptable meaning of it. Well, we won’t know if there indeed exists a “soulmate,” but by Shawn’s compelling concise explanation, I think I’ve found mine. He’s the one sitting next to me: Louie.
It wasn’t love at first sight. Our love wasn’t like instant coffee; it took time to brew up the rich taste. It took time to understand the unsaid things and what was actually implied when something was said. It took time to know what every look of the eye meant. It took some time to understand the way he thinks, how he makes up his mind and almost everything he comes up with.
In the first few months that we’ve been classmates, seatmates, and each other’s familiar face, I didn’t like him. Fast forward one to two years, things have turned to a hundred-and-eighty degrees. By that time, in my mind, he’s the only one who falls into the “special” zone. In the two years worth of his effort, we became closer.
Waiting for “us” to happen was like waiting for a 9 in minesweeper. I thought that with heaps of academic deliverables and requirements to complete, extra-curricular activities to be done and the pressure from our peers, he won’t be sure if he would ever get in, but something told him if he could spend enough time and avoid all the right mines, he’ll find me. And he did.
“They say there is a window from one heart to another. How can there be a window where no wall remains?” from Thief of Sleep by Shahram Shiva
The date was January 5, 2009, our third “date” together. (First, although unofficially a date as it was, took place on October 11, 2008 when we watched Ulan ng Mayo, a play we had to attend for some point incentives in a class. Second was on December 15, 2008 when we watched Bolt in Promenade and had dinner in Teriyaki Boy.) Moving on, this third encounter materialized when his thesis group mates Jeatte, Renrick and JP with Patty invited us to watch a movie and have dinner with them for their post-birthday celebration.
No, the feeling that was surpassing the common usual was not exactly present during the whole time we were in the movie theater, restaurant or even the picture studio where we had a group photo-shoot together.
It just came alive when only the two of us were in his car on our way home.
From SM Mall of Asia, we drove for one hour and so in the wrong direction. A disaster. Being lost? My least favorite feeling. In times like this, my hands would normally shook like pebbles on swaying whitecap of anxiety. Redundantly, my eyes would repeatedly glance at those digital numbers. One minute, two minutes, twelve minutes closer. Cement would fill my stomach.
Darkness was upfront, but we endured. I watched the charcoal sky, succumbing to sleep on a “deserted road.” I asked again and again if we could stop at a corner and ask some people where to head next to right course. He said no, we could not do that. There were no policemen, no street guides, no passersby. In sheer exaggeration so to speak, daylight left us long ago, dissolving in the rear view mirror.
Ultimately though, we made it home. Home to crinkled sheets, my bed lamp and my soft pillows.
Being home: my favorite feeling. Being home: I feel when I’m with him. The realization just came upon.
While in the long drive, despite being lost in the middle of nowhere, I didn’t feel worried nor doomed at all. I felt safe. I felt at ease; I felt happy I had every reason to still smile.
From that day on, I knew I could trust this person. I’ve always had a million things I plant in my head that I want to say to him, but whenever I see him, I could hardly do anything but smile. And when he smiles back, I wondered what his million things could be.
Our relationship has developed. So and so, our story became known to many. And now going back to the soulmate conception: I regard him as one incredible soulmate because he’s…
> someone who fills in my gaps and makes me a better person
> someone who tells me not what he can just say but others are unable to say to me; someone who tells me the truth no matter how hard
> someone who pushes me to accept the things I didn’t and don’t want to accept
> someone who supports me and helps me achieve my goals
and to date,
> someone who challenges and complements me at the same time
> someone who loves me inside and out, the gross and the dark parts and helps me learn more about myself and the world.
Once upon a time, I saw the world in a much different light.
As a child, the world was about what I could find. Each moment was about discovery. What was around the corner? What did this do? Why was the sky blue? My parents told me I was fond of asking weird questions. In my innocence, I saw the world as a never-ending parade of questions and life was a search for answers.
But like all things, that innocence and childish wonder passed. A parade of questions became a parade of one question repeated in endless variations. “How can I get out of this situation?” “How can I manipulate this to benefit me?” “How can I get something from this person?” Life became about me. I became a manipulative narcissist—albeit one who was good at appearing altruistic. I looked at every situation as me versus the world. I had learned that the world was out to get me. I had been taught by life, society, and pain that I must fight against everyone and everything around me to get what I wanted from life. The sun seemed harshly bright; the wind bitterly cold. I no longer wondered why the sky was blue. I knew it was blue to keep me from seeing the stars. I should have realized that that too would pass, but in my cynicism, I did not realize that even I could be wrong.
Life changed as I felt love. Suddenly the questions were subtly different. No longer was I asking how I can get something from this person. Now the word “get” was anathema to me; it vanished from my vocabulary. Now I’m asking what I could just give.
I’m always in the lookout on how I could make myself better and how I could make myself worthy of others. I’m humbled by who and what people are, and it made me appreciate the hollow nature of my life. Now I truly know what love means. All love—be it Epithumia, Eros, Storge, Phile, or Agape—eschews taking. When love is involved, there is only giving, with no thought to recompense.
“Live to learn. Learn to love. Love to live.”
So I thank him for teaching me of love. I want it known that I love him for who and what he is. I want to thank him for being so kind, for genuinely wanting to know how I’m doing, for listening, for smiling at my jokes, even the ones everyone else thinks are cheesy. I want to thank him for giving me his hand, because whenever I hold it, I know that I love him and he loves me, too.
In relation to the milky way, we are just rambling bodies that are smaller than the period at the end of this sentence. But we’re something special.
To my protector, my sarcastic conversation starter, my encourager, my teaser,. my reason for being stronger, my butterfly kisses, my superman, MommyLou, Beef, LouieBoo:
¯`°º·¤.¸¯`°º·¤.¸¯`°º·¤.¸ (¯`v´¯) ¸.¤·º°´¯¸.¤·º°´¯¸.¤·º°
.¤· º°´¯¸.¤· º°´¯¸.¤· º° I love you. ¯`°º·¤.¸¯`°º·¤.¸
Congratulations for reading this far! 😀 Happy Valentines (in advanced) to all there loving couples and soulmates…
Stay happy.
*´¨)
¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Stay in ℒℴѵℯ. ♥
